


Hogwarts Amicitia: Ten Years Later

by starknstars



Series: Fanfiction With Charlie. [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Wizarding World - Fandom, hogwarts - Fandom
Genre: 10 years on, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Freeform, Future, Grief/Mourning, LGBTQ Character, Multi, Original Character(s), Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Hogwarts, after canon, second part
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-14 08:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19269442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starknstars/pseuds/starknstars
Summary: short story- follow up events from the main story!!Elspeth has been living with Sebastian since the war. He has played the part of best friend, brother and father to her from aged six to sixteen. However, Elspeth's real father is going to be released soon... How will Sebastian react?





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!
> 
> please consider reading the original main story before reading this as there are major spoilers through out!!

Nerves raced about Elspeth's body as she paced the kitchen, her arms folded tightly against her chest. On the worktop, there lay a letter, it’s purple wax seal glimmering brightly in the kitchen light. Elspeth came to an abrupt stop and smoothed down her skirt in an attempt to wipe some of the anxious sweat off of her hands. Shaking, she picked up the letter and slowly slipped a finger under the envelope fold. Her heart skipped as she ripped it open, an action she performed without thinking. There. There it was.

'To the 

Before she unfolded the parchment, Elspeth stepped back and perched on one of the stools. She didn't trust herself not to faint at the mere sight of the verdict - the verdict being, whether or not her father would be allowed on parole. Whether or not her father would be free to leave Azkaban, after a sentence of almost ten years.

Elspeth had long since made peace with her father being in prison. He may have made mistakes - mistakes he deeply regretted - but he was an honest man too. Each of his crimes he admitted absolutely, remorse as thick on his tongue as the sobs that wracked his confession. Sobs for Eleanor, his eldest daughter, Elspeth's only sister, who had been killed by the same cause he had supported.

Now, Elspeth was not about to excuse her father for his wrongdoings. Being married to a death eater, among socialising with them, was morally questionable at best. But it wasn't like he had been a death eater himself; he had never raised his wand to someone, never participated in any violent activity. He’d been a father who loved his daughters and done all the wrong things to protect them, but only ever to protect them. No, Elspeth never blamed him for what happened to Eleanor. Good people could make bad choices.

That didn't mean Sebastian had forgiven him, though.

Three years ago, when Elspeth had first written to her father, she had never expected to get a reply. After all, he had never tried to reach out to her. But, being thirteen, full of hormones and anger, she had done it anyway. Only a short two days later a sleek black eagle had rapped on her dormitory window and stuck it’s leg out for her. Attached to it was a letter from him - Ferrand Dubois - her father. The first contact she had had with him since the day the aurors came to her house, captured her father, and placed her in Sebastian’s care.

As she read what he had to say for himself, Elspeth learnt a lot, or at least questioned a lot of what she knew and what she had been told countless times by Sebastian, Ahar and Natasha. First of all, that her father had never planned for Eleanor to die, like the others had always suggested. Secondly, that he had been writing to her, every week, since the day he had been put away. Elspeth had never once received a letter from Ferrand, not in all of the then seven years they had been apart. The moment she finished the letter, she stood and walked straight into the fireplace. In a plume of flu-powder fire, she sent herself straight home to Sebastian’s house.

That had been the first time Elspeth and Sebastian had ever properly argued with each other. Of course, they had had little tiffs and spats every so often, but for the most part they had always been on the same page. After all - Sebastian was a pretty cool paternal figure. He was more like a big brother; he got her, her sense of humour. He didn't mind what she wore, or who her friends were, or whether or not she swore. They were similar in all the best ways. This was only proven more when Elspeth had been sorted into Slytherin... But it wasn't all perfect.

Elspeth would always be grateful to Sebastian for the fact he and Babushka (Merlin bless her resting soul) had taken her in almost instantly when her sister and her mother had died, and her dad had been sent to Azkaban. Regardless of anything else, Sebastian loved her. He had protected her like she was his own. But deep down - or maybe not so deep down at all - she always felt he had only done it for Eleanor. Sometimes, that hurt to think about.

It was in the comparisons, the little comments he had made over the last ten years every time Elspeth failed to live up to his Ellie-centric expectations. If she got in trouble at school, it was always 'Eleanor would have never pulled such a childish prank’. If she talked back to him, it was always 'Eleanor never would have used that tone with me’. And she knew - yes, she knew - he couldn't really help himself. That he would forever see Ellie in her, and that she would always be living in the shadows of her dead big sister.

After that first fight, Elspeth had returned to Hogwarts and spent exactly twenty seven minutes sobbing and screaming into her pillow whilst the other girls in her dormitory awkwardly edged their way around the room in fear of disturbing her. Then, taking several deep breaths in, Elspeth composed herself once again. With just a light touch-up of her make-up she left her dormitory and went back to her usual classes. Eleanor had never had the chance to teach her much, but she did teach her something:  when times were shit, you had a good cry, you put on a smile, and you got the fuck on with it.

Thoughts of her sister filled Elspeth now, as placed her hand over her neck to clutch the emerald necklace Eleanor had given her the last time she ever saw her. What would Ellie want? Would Ellie want their father to be released? How was Elspeth supposed to know? Every day her few sure memories of Eleanor grew blurrier. When she was ten, she had talked Sebastian into buying her a pensive so she could watch his memories of Ellie. The only issue was, he so clearly only showed her the happy memories; the ones where Ellie never cried, or yelled, or was otherwise doing anything but smiling or dancing. Of course, it was still wonderful to see her, but it was all tinted as pink as a rose.

Natasha and Ahar had been a little less protective of Eleanor’s stainless reputation. When she was younger, maybe seven or eight, Elspeth had found a very drunk Ahar clutching a photo of Ellie in the kitchen. Though tears streaked down his cheeks he was mumbling to himself about how stupid Ellie was for being wandless, how naïve she had been to think she ever stood a chance without it. Elspeth had walked right in and agreed without so much as batting her eyelids. What? Ahar had been right; if Ellie had had her wand, maybe she wouldn't have died. She said the same thing to Sebastian the next day… Ahar didn't come around for a while after that.

Natasha was perhaps a little fairer about her feelings concerning Eleanor. Last year, when Elspeth had crashed her new broom and had been too afraid to tell Sebastian through fear of letting him down, it had been Natasha she had gone to. To comfort her, Natasha told her about the time Ellie sat on (and snapped) Sebastian's wand at a sleepover and had felt so guilty about it she offered to pay for a new one and give him hers until they had the chance to go to Ollivanders. Natasha was the one who told Elspeth that she was a lot more academic than Ellie had been in school, even if she did misbehave more. Natasha was always the one to tell her how proud Eleanor would be, rather than how disappointed.

And still, as she held the letter in her hands, Elspeth still couldn't decide what Eleanor would have wanted to be inside of it. All of a sudden, the tension was unbearable. Quickly, she dropped the necklace and scrabbled to unfold the parchment. She held up the letter to the remaining light shining through the window, desperately scanning through the letter sentence by sentence. She had to find it, she had to find - the verdict.

'We are hereby pleased to inform you that unless there an interruption to suggest otherwise, Mr Ferrand Dubois will be granted parole as of Monday 7th of December.’

A broad grin broke out across Elspeth's face as she leapt out of her seat. With a loud whoop, she spun around, laughing in a somewhat manic fashion. Her father. Papa. He would be getting out - only a few weeks from now, just in time for Christmas. It was what she wanted, even if she hadn't realised it until now; somehow, she knew it was what Eleanor would have wanted, too. Buzzing from head to toe with relief and excitement, Elspeth sat back down. On the wall opposite her hung a picture of Ellie - sixteen, like Elspeth was now - twirling around for the camera in a shimmering white ball gown. She was smiling too.

“Elspeth! Elsie! You left the door open, you spanner, you’re just like Sebby…” Elspeth heard Jon at the front door, and leapt to her feet. As she heard the door slam and footsteps coming down the hall, she tried desperately to stuff the level back in to its envelope.

“Get gone! Go!” she hissed at her sleek grey owl. With an offended hoot, it took off and flew out of the window. Elspeth had closed it just in time when Jon entered the room.

“Yeah – uh – sorry about the door, I was in so – yeah – didn’t think it would be an issue,” she staggered through her sentence as Jon placed two brown grocery bags on to the worktop. If he thought she was acting weirdly, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just laughed lightly and shook his head.

“Makes no difference to me, dearie, it’s you who feels the cold!” he reminded her. She smiled at the back of his head weakly, letting out a half laugh.

Jon was Sebastian’s fiancée. The two had met at Hogwarts when they were students there, both Slytherins. Sebastian explained they had been dormmates – but Elspeth knew that translated to ‘friends with benefits’ out of Sebastian speak. For whatever reason (again, Sebastian had limited that information) they hadn’t stayed in contact after the war. But, almost five years later, they had met in circumstances they had never expected to. Elspeth had gotten herself in to trouble at school during her first year – arguing with teachers, defacing a portrait of Severus Snape, the usual – and Sebastian had been called in to the school to have a parent-teacher with her head of house. Never in his life did he expect to see Professor Jon McCarty sat behind the desk.

Being a borderline megalomaniac, Elspeth liked to take personal credit for Sebastian and Jon getting back together. Yes, okay, it had been a little weird when her History of Magic professor began to hang out with her and Sebastian… But he made Sebastian so happy. Happier than Elspeth had ever seen him. Besides, he was a pretty cool teacher too, younger and more understanding than the rest. When he had asked her for her blessing to propose to Sebastian, she had given him two thumbs up and a threat that if he didn’t she would tell his whole forth year class that he wimped out. The three had been living together for just over a year now, and very quickly Elspeth had grown attached to Jon and all of his nerdish quirks.

“What’s going on, Elsie?” Jon’s words caught her attention. Dragged from her daydream, Elspeth widened her eyes, tilting her head at the man eleven years her senior.

“Which?” she asked, a scouse habit she had picked up from Natasha.

“What’s going on with you? I gave you that jar of pickles five minutes ago and you’re still holding it, staring at my bald spot,” he nodded at the jar in her hands. Merlin, she hadn’t even realised she had been holding it.

“Oh! Yeah, right, pickles – in the cupboard. Right,” She gave Jon a firm nod and turned around, opening the cupboard behind her and popping the jar inside “and hey! You aren’t going bald, McCarthy, you’re only twenty-eight. Always so dramatic!”

She kept giggling to cover herself; Jon was watching her with raised eyebrows.

“Elspeth?”

“Yeah?”

“Jars go in the other cupboard.”

“Right!” she gave an awkward laugh at her mistake and turned back around, taking the jar from the cupboard and placing it in the correct one. Jon was still eyeing her suspiciously.

For a while, neither Jon or Elspeth talked. Whilst he put away the rest of the groceries she made them both a cup of tea and took them through to the living room. Moments later she was joined by Jon. To her horror, he was holding the letter with her father’s verdict, open in his hands. Elspeth’s jaw dropped.

“Do you want to explain to me what this is?” he asked quietly, his accent perforating his serious words. Flushing red, Elspeth snatched the latter from his hands.

“You’re not my guardian, it’s got nothing to do with you,” she snapped harshly.

“You’re right, that letter wasn’t addressed to me. It was addressed to your guardian. Sebastian.”

Something in Elspeth’s face must have faltered, because he sat down next to her, unfolded his arms and pulled her into a hug.

“It’s illegal to open other people’s mail, you know, Elsie,” Jon joked with her as he rubbed her back. Rolling her eyes, Elspeth sat up.

“I’m almost seventeen, Jon, and when I’m seventeen I’m legally considered an adult, not Seb’s kid, or foster kid or whatever. Besides, knowing my father’s verdict hasn’t got anything to do with Seb anyway!” she defended herself.

“You know that’s not fair, Elspeth – and it doesn’t make it any less illegal. You can’t just go reading people’s private letters,” Jon added.

“I knew it was going to be about my father, and I just, I just…” she hung her head, guilt catching her up a bit now, “I just wanted to know, you know. Whether or not he got his parole granted.”

Once again, Jon held his arms out for her, and this time she hugged him back.

“I get it, Elsie. It’s okay,” he soothed her, ruffling her short little afro curls. After a while, she found herself opening up to him about the verdict,

“It’s been granted, and… I’m happy. I’m really happy about it,” she admitted.

“You’re allowed to be happy, Elsie. You just can’t expect Sebastian to be.”

Elspeth thought of the way Sebastian would sneer whenever one of the Azkaban eagles arrived with a letter from her father. She thought of the crying sounds she could hear coming from the spare room, where they kept Eleanor’s things, late some nights, when Jon was fast asleep in snoring in Sebastian’s room down the hall. But, she thought of her father, too. She thought of his thick dreadlocks and how she had always ‘played snakes’ with them when she sat on his shoulders. She thought of how envious she would be of Ellie when he began a dance with her, and the two of them, father and daughter, would glide seamlessly across the ballroom floor. Elspeth didn’t want to hurt or betray Sebastian… But she didn’t want to have to choose between him and her father. Both. She wanted them both.


	2. Part II

Crack! A sound like a whip echoed from down the hallway - Sebastian was home. Elspeth and Jon shared a look of apprehension and sat up properly on the sofa in an attempt to look casual. Neither of them wanted Sebastian to think they had been plotting against him; he was, after all, a rather paranoid man. The humming grew louder as he approached the living room door. Elspeth recognised the tune as a Yo-yo Ma piece, one of her own favourites. Fresh guilt writhed about in her stomach.

 

“Ah! El, Jon, I have big news!” He strode into the room, hands on his hips. His thick white healers cloak billowed out impressively behind him as he turned to face them. Elspeth tried to ignore his calling her 'El’ - she was tired of telling him she didn't like it. To everyone else, even Natasha and Ahar, she was Elsie, or even Elfie if they were teasing her or drunk. Not El. That was Ellie's nickname.

 

“I,” he gestured to himself proudly, “am getting a promotion! I’m going to be head of the Poisons and Potions Accidents Ward - the PPA!”

Sebastian had been working his ambitious career ladder for some time now, working at St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies. After Ellie, all he has wanted to do was become a healer, the best possible healer he could be. Though long expected and hardly surprising, this promotion was momentous news for Sebastian. Ordinarily, Elspeth and Jon would not have hesitated in jumping to their feet to congratulate him, or conjuring up some firewhisky. However, with what they had to tell him, it wasn't appropriate to butter him up first.

 

“That's fantastic, Sebby, really,” Jon was the first to speak of the two. Full of hesitant enthusiasm, he stood up and gave his fiance a tight hug. After a quick peck on the lips he glanced round at Elspeth, willing her to speak up before Sebastian could become suspicious.

“Yeah, it's hella, uh, rad,” Elspeth nodded awkwardly, also getting to her feet. Before she could stop him, Sebastian wrapped his free arm around her and pulled her into the hug too. Guilt clawed at the back of her throat. He was so proud; and she was about to ruin it.

 

After a prolonged awkward silence, Sebastian released Jon and Elspeth. His eyebrows were raised in confusion - he wasn't used to his family being so passive when it came to his success.

“Is there something wrong?” He asked, looking between Elspeth and Jon. The downside to all three of them being Slytherins was that they were all so in tune to each other's emotions, able to detect the smallest difference in mood.

 

“Sebby, love, why don't you sit down? I’ll go make us all a cuppa,” Jon was the first to speak. He gave Elspeth a pointed look, then left the room. Sebastian sat down, studying Elspeth as he did so. Almost instinctively she flattened her skirt, as if she were at school and had passed a professor in the corridor. She too sat down, adjacent to Sebastian, and stared at the blank television screen as if it were going to give her all the answers to her current problems. Silenced followed.

“Have you finished that Potions paper?” Sebastian asked breezily, “I’m so glad you're carrying it on at NEWT level”

Elspeth only nodded in response… Her mistake.

 

“What? Are you in trouble again?” Sebastian narrowed his eyebrows. Offended, Elspeth whipped her head round to face him.

“No! I’ve not been out all day!” She huffed in response.

“Then what is it? Because you - both of you - have guilt written all over your faces!” Sebastian accused Jon as he came back into the room, three cups of earl grey hovering in front of him.

“It’s guilty, actually,” Elspeth corrected him stiffly and took a cup from mid air, “both of you have guilt, written all over your faces.”

“Elspeth,” Sebastian warned her to stop smart mouthing him.

“Cyka” Elspeth muttered. Suddenly, Sebastian burned red, shocked at being insulted in his own mother tongue. He had half a mind to bring out some of his own French insults, but Jon was the first to speak.

 

“Elspeth! I, uh, don't know what you said, but taking that tone with Sebby isn't acceptable,” Jon reprimanded her, “especially when you have something important and sensitive you need to tell him!”

Elspeth shot Jon daggers, but blushed a little herself. Sebastian, on the other hand, looked rather worried.

 

Silence fell uncomfortably across the three of them. Elspeth awkwardly uncrossed at recrossed her legs, whilst drumming her fingernail against the side of her mug of tea. Jon fussed with the sofa cushions, muttering about ironing the pillow cases, even though there wasn't a crease in sight. Sebastian continued to stare between his fiancée and his - for all intents and purposes - adopted daughter. Eventually he let out a long sigh and moved to sit between them on the largest of their two sofas. Calmly, he took Elspeth's hand.

 

“Come on, my Elfie, talk to me,” he spoke quietly, rubbing his thumb against her palm like he had always done when she was little. It pained him to admit it, but his little elf had grown so much since he first adopted her, ten years ago. Her once chubby cheeks were now defined and sharp as her wit, her once grubby hands now clean and dainty. All that remained unchanged was her afro, worn proudly without any added products or styling. Elspeth, his Elsie Elfie, was becoming the strong, independent, fiery woman he’d always wanted her to be… That Eleanor always wanted her to be.

 

Perhaps it was the softness with which Sebastian spoke that relaxed Elspeth enough to finally open up to him about the day’s earlier events, but Elspeth found herself shifting round to face him. With a supportive thumbs up from Jon, who was sat behind Sebastian, she cleared her throat.

“I opened a letter,” she paused, her eyes flicking up to his and away again, “it was for you, not me, and I know that's like, not a good thing to do, but it was from Azkaban and I knew that it would be about, you know… My…”

“It was from Ferrand Dubois,” Jon interrupted carefully, nodding at Elspeth once again, letting her know he had her back.

“Right, well,” Sebastian's hold on her hand had become more stiff and some of the warmth was lost from his expression, “is that it?”

“Yes,” she replied quickly.

“I forgive you for reading my mail, Elspeth, but we won't have it again.”

Looking rather put out, Sebastian stood up and began to make his way to the door. Elspeth sighed a little in relief and sunk back into the sofa.

 

After a few moments of quiet, Jon cleared his throat, loud enough for Elspeth to turn and look at him.

“What?” She snapped.

“You know what,” he gestured to the door. They could hear Sebastian clattering about in the kitchen.

“We talked, he’s fine, he doesn't mind I read it and I won't do it again. Sorted!” Elspeth chirped breezily, but after a stern glare from Jon, she found herself getting up too.

“You’ll thank me!” Jon insisted with a triumphant grin. Elspeth scoffed and sauntered out of the room. As she walked down the hallway, she realised Sebastian's noise had stopped. There was no point in hovering outside of the door, he must have heard her coming.

 

When she opened the door, she was surprised to see Sebastian holding the letter. Jon must have passed it to him, the little shit. She stood taller, slapped on a smile and walked into the room, prepared to try and cheer him up,

“So, the PPA? That’s huge, Seb, I-”

“He’s being let out?” Sebastian turned on her with a snarl, holding the letter in his left fist. Elspeth barely has a chance to blink before he took it in both hands and tore it once down the middle, then again, then again. For a moment Elspeth could only watch, shocked, but she quickly recovered.

“Seb! Stop!” She darted forward and grabbed the ripped pieces from the floor, “that’s important, it has his hearing dates on!”

“What does it matter?” Sebastian shrugged, “you aren’t going. You won’t need to, because you won’t be seeing him.”

 

“... What?” Elspeth half-whispered in disbelief, then gave a short laugh, “and what? You really think you’re going to stop me?”

“Yes, because I am your guardian, and I can do that,” he replied as if he were just telling her the ingredients to a potion, rather than crushing her heart. With a single swish of his wand, the pieces of the letter she was holding completely disappeared from her hands.

“Only legally,” she seethed, before whirling around on her heel and storming back down the corridor, “and only until I’m seventeen!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sebastian shouted after her, and began to follow her down the hall. Jon appeared in the living room door as Elspeth was about to go past and stood in front of her, stopping her from continuing on up the stairs.

 

“Get out of my way,” Elspeth snapped, but Jon held her firmly by the shoulders, forcing her to turn around. Sebastian reached her, both hands on his hips and with a face like a slapped arse.

 

“What do you mean, ‘only legally’?” Sebastian bellowed, “do you have any idea how much I’ve sacrificed for you? How much I’ve done for you?”

“Jon, move,” Elspeth demanded again, but he was too busy watching Sebastian, his face growing pale in surprise. With a huff, Elspeth turned around once again, rolling her eyes as she went.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me, young lady! Do you know how disrespectful that is?” Sebastian continued to rage. Meanwhile, Elspeth just pretended to be checking her hair in the hall mirror. This only infuriated Sebastian more, which to be honest, had been Elspeth’s plan.

“I took you in!” he slammed a fist into his palm with every word, “I dropped out of school for you! While all of my friends celebrated victory, I nursed you and Babushka, Merlin bless her soul; do you think she’d be looking on you proudly right now?”

Suddenly, Elspeth’s head shot round,

“Stop it,” Jon warned Sebastian. He had been watching Elspeth - he could see her fists clenching, the tears rising in her eyes, “Seb, that’s enough!” 

“No,” Elspeth spoke dryly, sarcasm thick on her tongue, “please continue, Volkov, I can’t wait to guess who else I’ve disappointed!”

“That man, that man you’re so proud of, he killed her, Elspeth! He killed our Eleanor! He did that!” Sebastian could feel his own eyes stinging now, and it only made him all the more angry, “and as the man who actually raised you, I forbid you to see him!”

It was almost as if someone had pressed ‘mute’ in the hall. At some point, Jon had put a supportive hand on Elspeth’s arm, but it was only as the room went quiet he realised how hard he had been gripping her. Jon had always known how Sebastian felt about Elspeth’s dad, how he blamed him for Ellie’s death, but between them they had agreed that he would never tell her how extremely he felt.

 

“If that’s how you feel,” Elspeth was nodding slowly, laughing a little as tears began to streak down her cheeks.

“That’s how I feel,” Sebastian replied cooley, yet as he looked at Elspeth, he felt his shoulders slump.

“Well, then, I’ll tell you how I feel,” she giggled and cleared her throat, “I feel like he didn’t kill my sister, my sister, not your sister, by the way, mine. I also feel like if anyone is responsible for her death, it’s gotta be you, hasn’t it? I mean, you were there, my father was at home with me, so, you know, if anyone could’ve saved her, it was you - and you didn’t!”

“Elspeth!” Jon whispered, looking between her and Sebastian. Sebastian was just glaring at her, his own tears tumbling down his cheeks.

“I feel like I’m never enough for you, Seb, because you only took me in for her! You only left school, to look after me, because you’ve spent the last ten years blaming yourself for Eleanor dying. Ever since I was six, all you’ve ever tried to do is make me be just like her, and I’m not! I’m my own person, I’m not her replacement because you couldn’t fucking save her the first time. Do you get it now? I’m done! I hate living in her shadow, I hate you for making me, and I hate her!”

 

Elspeth was sobbing heavily as she screamed. Jon and Sebastian were stunned numb. With a loud crack, Elspeth span on her heel and disapperated from the hall, leaving them on their own.


	3. Part III

Elspeth felt a deep, sharp tearing sensation in her right arm as she apparated into the familiar living room, tumbling to the wooden floor with a loud yelp.There was a gasp of surprise as she got to her knees, groaning in agony.  
“What in God’s name- Elsie!” Natasha jumped as she appeared in the doorway, having come running from down the hall.  
“Hi, Nat,” Elspeth winced as she got to her feet, holding her right arm with her left hand to stop the awful stretching feeling from worsening. Her eyes stung with tears but she tried to put on a smile, “I think I splinced myself - it’s probably dislocated.”  
Natasha shook her head in exasperation, then gestured for Elspeth to sit down.  
“You’re lucky Marcus is out, he’d have a heart attack if he saw you just apparate in like that! What have I told you? Call me in future, or text, don’t just show up! I have muggle friends, you know, and if they-”  
“Nat,” Elspeth broke in with a moan of pain, “please!”  
The older woman handed Elspeth a pillow, which she took gratefully and bit down on. She shut her eyes for a moment, then let out a short shriek as Natasha performed a relocation spell on her arm.  
“It’s your own fault,” Natasha reminded her. Elspeth glowered.

After a few minutes, she took the pillow out of her mouth and placed it in her lap. She took her time in rolling her sore arm around in it’s socket, making sure it was as it was supposed to be, then thanked Natasha.  
“So what are you doing in my living room? Or do I need not ask?” Natasha gave her a sympathetic smile.  
“Sebastian,” Elspeth said, which was enough of an explanation as it was, but she went on anyway, “we had a fight. He told me I couldn’t see my dad, or go to his hearing. He’s getting out, next month.”

For a moment, Natasha let the news sink in. It was only after she said it that Elspeth realised that Natasha wouldn’t be all that pleased Ferrand would be getting out. After all, she had almost as much reason to hate him as Sebastian did, even if she didn’t vocalise it. Elspeth could tell that she wasn’t his biggest fan by a long stretch.  
“I’m sorry,” Elspeth spoke quietly, and was surprised to find her voice had gained a watery quality to it, as if she had just been crying. Was she crying?  
“Don’t be silly, Elsie, you have nothing to be sorry for. Come here,” Natasha patted her lap, and Elspeth lay her head down on it, suddenly awash with emotion.

 

“I said something really horrible, Nat,” Elspeth began to cry, whilst Nat ran her fingers through her thick curls. The gesture reminded Elspeth of Ellie, which made her stomach twist tighter; it was always the littlest things that made her remember, made her miss her sister more. A mixture of guilt a bile rose in her stomach.  
“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think, Elsie, you and Sebastian don’t always have the best way with words,” Natasha reasoned. Elspeth’s heart sank further in her chest.  
“I told him that it was his fault Ellie died, that if someone was to blame, it was him, because he didn’t save her,” she replied quietly. Instantly, Natasha tensed up, her hand coming to a halt in Elspeth’s hair.  
“I was there too, Elspeth,” Natasha spoke coldly. Shame pricked up Elspeth’s spine, over her face, down her back and arms, burning as hot as a lightbulb.  
“I didn’t mean it,” she managed to get out, then lifted her head out of Natasha’s lap and brought a hand up to her cheek to cover her face.

“That doesn’t matter, though, does it?”  
Elspeth hung her head, too ashamed of herself to look Natasha in the face. She didn’t blame her for being angry, or hurt. What she said was horrible.

 

Natasha stood up, then turned sharply on her heel. Her own face was burning deep red, so dark it almost matched the colour of her hair.

“Every day, every single day since the war ended, Sebastian has only thought of two things: You, and Ellie. Don’t you think he already blames himself enough, without you spitting it back in his face? Don’t you think all three of us blame ourselves? I can’t believe how selfish you are being! I thought more of you than this, Elspeth. Sebastian took you in, raised you -”

Elspeth’s head shot up.  
“Don’t give me that! Don’t you dare act like he didn’t just take me in because he lost Ellie and took the loose-one-get-one-free offer at the Dubois house because he needed to deal with his survivors guilt! Why is everyone acting like I don’t know? Like I can’t tell I’m just her replacement so he can feel better about the fact she’s gone?” her voice cracked, and she burst into fresh tears,

“It’s not fair! I’m never going to be her, Nat! She was good, and she didn’t argue, and she was kind, and she was beautiful, and she was brave, and she never acted like I did, and she would never have said the things that I did, and I’m sorry. I can’t live my life being my dead sister, Nat, I can’t. I can’t.”

 

Ugly sobs began to rock her body, so much so she sat back down. Anger, guilt and grief tugged and clawed at her insides, threatening to force her to empty her stomach or pass out. Some time passed; a minute? An hour? Before Natasha sat back down beside her and pulled her into her arms. It took a while for Elspeth to calm down, and it was only when she had that she noticed Natasha’s make-up was smudged too.

“It’s not easy, Elspeth, I know,” Nat wiped both their eyes with her jumper sleeves, “but there’s only one thing you can do about it.”  
“What?” Elspeth sniffed. Natasha gave her a sympathetic smile.

“You have to talk to Sebastian.”


	4. Part IIII

As the hours ticked by, Elspeth’s seventeenth birthday grew closer and I couldn’t help but reminisce on how fast she’s grown up. I could have been a better father, maybe I was too young, too broken but still the guilt swarms around in my gut and pulls at my heartstrings. I shouldn’t have done half of the things I did, shouldn’t have held her to those impossible standards. She isn’t Ellie, and she’s never going to be. 

 

It’s been rocky between us lately ever since her father has been put on probation. Apart of me knew, deep down, that he wasn’t as bad as I’ve made him to be, he loved his daughters. We all make mistakes but some are more costly than others. The memory of Ellie’s body falling to the floor with a thud flashed across my mind. 

 

I needed to show her, show her that I loved her just as much if not more than I ever did love Ellie. That’s terrifying to me. The mere thought that I could love someone as much as I love her, and him; my family. I was only seventeen myself when I got her. It would have been worse without Babushka’s kind guidance yet she died too, and I was alone.

 

Except what you don’t realise is that you’re not alone, no matter how consumed in grief you are. I had her, Natasha and Ahar, and then eventually I got Jon. I look back at some of the shit I put them through. How ungrateful I had been. Ellie was their friend too, she isn’t some delightful happy-goes-lucky girl my mind pleaded to make her. Pleaded to present her to her own flesh and blood. There’s something sick in knowing that I know Ellie better than she does. She should know all the happy, sad and most of all hateful things about her. They should have grown up together, they should have had sibling revivals, though I have no doubt that she would have won. She’s a lot more crafty than Ellie.

 

I was stood by the pensive I had bought years ago now. We used to come in here often when it war was still ripe in my mind and the hurt was still raw. It was Ellie’s room. A whole room dedicated to Ellie, with a porcelain pensive in the centre. It was Elspeth’s idea that we get it, she was so young I was scared to show her some memories. Terrified to show her a tainted Ellie, but I did just that. I censored the feisty Ellie, the sad Ellie, the down right stupid Ellie and created this illusion of an always right Ellie. That wasn’t okay. She used to ask to see my memories of her all the time but as she grew so did this rift between us she saw the cracks in my story. She became bitter and tense at this ‘be Eleanor’ standard I held over her head. Until she stopped asking little over a year ago and I knew it was time to break this image.

 

The painting of Ellie on the wall stood watching me in one of her bright yellow dresses she wore for a family ball. It was the last image we had of her, it never spoke to me, I wasn’t sure if it could. I’ve been meaning to ask Ahar about it but I couldn’t bring myself too. He’s been through so much I couldn’t put more pressure on my friends to find a solution to my problems. I’ve done that enough.

 

One hour to midnight, I knew she’d still be awake. A night owl, I thought softly as I left Ellie’s room for hers which was right across the hall, I knocked three times and held my breath. It took a few minutes but she opened with a less than amused smile and a hard glare.

“It’s late. what do you want.” she crossed her arms and almost squared up to me. Despite the obvious disrespect I felt giddy she could do this with me. It was something I felt Ellie lacked and it was the purpose of tonight.

“Ellie’s room. I have something you need to see.” I huffed, keeping up with this tension for now. If she wanted a fight she not going to get one, not anymore. 

 

She choose to stay silent and I could feel her stare as I turned and headed back into Ellie’s room. I knew she would come no matter how difficult things had gotten between the two of us, if not for her own curiosity then in hope to end the hate. Many sleepless nights and deep talks between Jon and myself have made it easier to deal with. I know I’ve hurt her and I don’t have the right to challenge that. What she said cut me deeply, felt as though she had rubbed salt in old wounds. Wounds that never truly healed, it hadn’t been easy getting over Ellie’s death, my Elfie helped, Jon helped... but when i was alone the guilt consumed me. My head filled with What if’s and my own self-hatred blaming me for her death and blaming me for killing their mother - what makes me any different to them? Blood was on my hands too and worse of all I don’t regret it. Not the actual killing part more the lies that came after it, the fear of what Elspeth would do once she found this person who had promised to love and protect her was responsible for her own mothers death.

 

I pulled out three memories that I knew she’d like to see, that were important for her to know that Eleanor wasn’t as perfect as I liked to paint. Elspeth was at the entrance, she looked nervous yet determined, even with her tangled hair and mismatched pjs - the air around her was defensive, but I’ve come to learn so much about her that I could see it in her eyes she was fearful, fearful that I’d fall back into old and hurtful ways, that she’d be made to watch her big sister be a martyr on happiness and we’d be right back at square one. I gave her a soft smile as she stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. 

“It’s going to be okay,” I spoke, like a calming parent, letting her know we’re not here to fight. I visibly heard her sigh and her shoulders dip as she dropped the defensive manner and took her 

place adjacent to me, pensive in the middle,the portrait of Ellie behind me.

 

“I haven’t been fair on you my sweet пчела.” - slipping into my mother tongue and calling her a childhood pet name, Bee. She still didn’t speak but looked surprised that I was apologising so upfrontly after what she said to me, it had been days since we spoke I supposed she thought I was never going to forgive her.

“You aren’t Ellie and I hate that I made you believe that you had to be. I’m sorry that out of the hundreds of memories I have of her you’ve been limited to a short few, the ones of her being happy and I understand that it’s important for you to see her properly, no more altering.” Elspeth nodded quickly in fear of me changing my mind, like she thought she’d wake up and this is all a dream.

 

I picked up the first bottle that had the swirling grey mist of my memory in it, shaking a little I poured it into the pensive and breathed in nervously when it was time to look, I felt her warm hands squeeze mine in reassurance, she didn’t trust herself to speak yet, but her touch was enough to fuel me with determination to go on, I owed her this.Together, we dunked our heads in and like a crazy dream we resurfaced on the other side gasping for breath. 

 

With a crash and a pop, green flames fluttered from the fireplace and out came a young Sebastian looking stressed but not overly worried, Ahar’s childhood home came into view, and a young Ahar and Das family sat at the breakfast table, Ahar looked stressed and kept glancing at the little window where their owl would swoop in. The four of them had planned it together months before they sat for their O.W.Ls. They’d meet up before post was due at the Das’ and open them together, sebastian had good news to tell them too, he’d be accepted into Hogwarts and would be returning in the summer. He greeted them all and flushed as Mrs Das’ fussed over him while plating him a huge breakfast. He gave Mr Das a respectful nod and ruffled Saamir’s hair before taking his seat next to Ahar, seems like the girls where a little late. Ahar and Sebastian greeted each other with fond hello’s - it had been a while since they’d seen eachother with Sebastian travelling between Russia and England. 

 

Not long after Sebastian's’ arrival green flames exposed from the fireplace and flaming red curls could be seen as a soot faced Natasha stepped out, she greeted the Das’ at lot less formally, giving both parents huge hugs and fist bumping Saamir before group hugging the boys.

“No Ellie yet?” she asked her nose wrinkling with confusion.

“Nope.” Sebastian sighed. Eleanor was notorious for being late but he had hoped she wouldn’t be on an important day like this.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon!” he replied with optimism, Ahar rubbed his face anxiously - his response being muffled by his hands.

“My owl will be here any minute; I’ll be sick if I have to wait much longer - Merlin, I begged her not to be late!” 

 

Another ten minutes went by, and the owl swooped in, Mr. Das collected the packages handing the three of them their results and placing Ellie’s in front of the empty chair next to Natasha. They all fiddled with it while every so often glancing at the fire. Time ticked on and by now Mr. Das was off to work, while Mrs Das took Saamir to school and the three of them sat, letters unopened waiting for her.

“Ahar...” Mrs Das spoke softly to him but really to us all, “It may be best if you three open yours now, it’s been an hour, she’ll come eventually.”

 

They all looked at each other and Natasha sighed.

“My god, I love Ellie but I want to see!” She was feeling the most anxious about her results. Ahar shook his head in agreement and they both stared at Sebastian waiting for his approval… He wanted to defend Ellie but he too grew annoyed and nodded. The room was filled with the sound of tearing envelopes and then silence as each read what they had got.

 

Sebastian's were impeccable, of course, his hard work paying off and he achieved majority of Os (outstanding( and some Es (exceeds expectations). Ahar had received all Outstanding. Natasha’s wasn’t as good as the boys but that had never been in question she received Majority Es and some As (acceptable). The three of them cheered and congratulated each other, Nat jumping around the kitchen proud of herself when the green flames crackled and Ellie came out of the fireplace.

 

“You opened without me?” she said sadly upon noticing their happy faces.

“We waited an hour, Ellie.” Sebastian scolded, brows pulled tightly together.

“Oh well, you’re here now!” Natasha diffused the situation, too happy to be mad and Sebastian let her he just wanted to celebrate. Silence and then more silence no cheer from Ellie - dread filled the air and a soft gulping like someone - Ellie - was trying not to cry. They tried to get her to show them what she got but she wouldn’t instead coming to form a fourway group hug to comfort her. Sneakily however Sebastian had stole a glance and noticed that it was littered with As and a rare E. Then Elspeth and himself were pulled from the memory the same way they were pulled into it. Elspeth looked at him hard.

 

“I thought she was smart, like Ahar smart.... You led me to believe that all this time?” It wasn’t accusing, just sad.

“I wanted you to be proud of her, wanted you to aim higher than her… Merlin, I’m sorry Elfie. I’ve lied a lot when it comes to her, but never to hurt you, to protect her image I guess.”

 

Silence fell upon them as Elspeth didn’t know how to reply, she tried to remain cool, for all the times her and Sebastian have butted-heads there were plenty where he's cared for and loved her. She knew him too well to second guess that, but it still hurt to know he was trying to make her believe Ellie to be this perfect witch. Those were her memories to make, but they were stolen from her.

 

“She’s my sister Sebastian, those are the things I should have had the chance to decide.” She breaks the silence, voice wavering. I took her hand in his own, squeezing supportive while giving her a regretful look,

 

“I know, Elfie, I know, I want to start to mend that, show you the truth,” my gaze landed on the other two memories that were swirling around the small potion bottles waiting to be unleashed. I gave us a moment to recover from the last one before, taking the second memory in my grasp.

 

“Ready?” I asked while using my wand to clean out the other memory from the pensive and back into my head, she gripped my hand reassuringly when I hissed at the sting. It always did hurt to add and take memories from the mind but I kept reminding myself of how important this was for our future. Signalling with a nod that she was ready we mirrored our actions from before; dunking our heads in and resurfacing on the other side gasping for breath. 

 

This time there was no crash or pop of a fire but instead they were greeted with hysterical laughter, everyone was together already, no need to wait for anyone, Elspeth noted. When their senses caught up from the nauseating feeling of the pensive Elspeth faintly recognized the familiar walls of her sisters bedroom. It was filled with small manageable clutter Ellie had accumulated over the years that she liked to keep because they ‘held memories’, her bed was messily made and a small pile of washing was filling up in the hamper besides her door.

 

The four of them were laughing hysterically at a joke that was sadly cut off for present day Elspeth and Sebastian, but she trusted it must have been funny because Natasha’s face had turned bright red and she was gasping for breath whilst holding onto Ahar for support. It was nice to see them acting as typical teenagers, but Elspeth couldn’t help but wonder what the purpose of this memory was in regards to an imperfect Ellie, in her eyes, Ellie looked right at home and more perfect that she ever had just joking with her closest friends. Elspeth felt herself ache.That thought was quickly lost when their mother entered the room without knocking. Elspeth felt the air change and tension grow as the laughter stopped and everyone shuffled to act more polite. Ellie gave her mother a smile.

 

“Mum?” Ellie questioned.

“Keep the noise down Eleanor. I have guests downstairs.” Her mother gave Ellie a warning look, and Ellie nodded smiling sheepishly.

“Sorry! We’ll be quiet.” and her mother left just as quickly as she came.

The tension left the room but Sebastian shared a look with Ahar and Natasha, it was Natasha who took it upon herself to question the situation, after all it wasn’t the first time Ellie’s mother had guests. 

 

“Ellie…. Has your mum ever, erm, mentioned who these guests are?” 

 

Ellie shook her head, far too quickly, “No. Why?”

 

“What we mean is that, Your mother has guests over a lot and you’ve never thought to question it?” Sebastian cut Natasha off before she could reply,

 

“You know I have no need to question her Seb.” Ellie’s reply came out a little too forceful and before Elsepth could hear what else she had to say the memory faded into a swirl and they were stood adjacent of the pensive again, gasping for breath with one more memory to go.

 

They regained their breaths before Sebastian spoke, “You always stand up for what you believe in even if that means standing up to an authoritative figure, you’re never afraid but Ellie was, and that's a huge difference I never tell you I'm so proud of you for. Even if it means we argue a lot, I know it’s because it’s what you believe in.”

 

Elsepth moved around to engulf me in a much needed hug. She had waited so long for that and she needed to hear it, and now finally she had. They stayed in the loving embrace neither wanting to be the first to let go, it had been far too long since they allowed this for them. This time Sebastian didn’t ask if Elsepth was ready when removing and adding the last memory into the pensive, he allowed Elspeth to made the first move and together for the final time that night, they dunked their heads in the pensive.

 

This time harsh sobs was the first sound the memory brought to their attention, it made Elspeth feel hollow when she realised it was Ellie’s cries. It had been so long since she heard her own sisters cries, she guiltily enjoyed it. Seeing other sides to Ellie cut her deeply but she couldn't be more grateful that she got to experience them. Present day, Sebastian pulled Elspeth into a side hug as they watched the rest of the memory unfold.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian was sitting next to a sobbing Ellie who had her hands covering her face. It took awhile but eventually Ellie hiccuped out a reply in between tears,

 

“M-my Dad’s in St Mungos. Mum says it’s fine but this is the third time in the last month.” She sounded frustrated and confused, wizards rarely have to stay overnight at hospitals, it was a shock but Sebastian had confidence in the health system that he’d be fine.

 

“Ellie, St.Mungo’s will look after him, it’s nothing serious, if it was you would know, he was fine last time you saw him! Come on… Stay strong for Elsepth?” Ellie cried some more but they started to soften up as she hugged Sebastian and this memory faded back into the present day.

 

“Sorry that one was so short…  I just knew you needed to see that… I can't believe I hadn't show you Ellie crying, while it’s not pleasant it was something she did a lot, at those muggle films Natasha shows us, she even once cried at how poorly Ahar’s cooking tasted.” I chuckled a bit letting a more breathable, comfortable silence fell upon us. It felt nice, this was something I could get used to.

 

It was Elsepth that broke it once again, “Thank you. I really needed this.”

 

“It was my pleasure, Sorry again that it took me so long... it’s getting late I know it was a lot for one night but I’m hoping to answer any questions in the morning. You need sleep, Bee.” I fell into his mother tongue again, overcome with so much parental love. And as if on cue, she yawned nodding sleepily. Allowing the emotional exhaustion to finally hit her. It had been a long night, it was time to rest. Elsepth walked away and I turned to the pensive ready to clean out the memory and as I was doing so I heard four simple words;

 

“I’m proud of you.”

 

In shock I nearly split the water from the pensive on the floor and in doing so nearly gave myself whiplash from how quickly I turned to look at Ellie’s painting. It was her voice as clear as day. I’m sure of it but the more I look at the painting, still in the same position - as speechless as before, the more I began to  doubt myself and my sanity. It really is time to rest. Silent tears cascade down my face as I turn and leave for bed, self-hatred flaring up as I can’t believe I'd torment myself so much. I’ve needed to her voice for so long, the memories simply aren't as good as reality and that felt real. A smaller, more optimistic side of me hopes it was the photo. I crawl into bed next to a snoring Jon with that hope replaying in my dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading - looking for more? Consider our next work - Slytherin Sacramentum


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